Failure and Self-Recrimination
Design It Out of Your Process.
This is a photo I took on our collage safari in Brooklyn. I love the forms that the water stains made in the paper and the overall composition of the photograph. Anyway…
I am a paid subscriber to Mason Currey’s Subtle Maneuvers page and he is currently doing Book Worm School for the summer and the following essay of mine is an expansion of comments I made related to regret and self-recrimination and forgiving yourself which was the topic for the week…
Design Failure and Self-Recrimination Out of Your Process.
In my early years as an artist I was extremely self critical and was never satisfied with my own hand. I could never live up to the standards of my own making. It was debilitating. So my hack was, to remove myself personally from the equation and not beat me up over perceived failure but instead design personal failure out of the equation, out of the system. It was liberating. Then I was more like a scientific researcher rather than someone trying to 'express myself'. My self is not important, only the exploration. I think this was why I went to collage as a medium, I was then just arranging or composing found materials that attracted me. I was just having a conversation with the materials.
I make systems for myself to keep me on track. I often experiment with new systems but most of it has to do with being impersonal about it and just following the system and adjusting the permissions and limitations of my system or theory as I go along if it seems I am not getting the results I desire or something is a little off on the intuitive side. I just approach it like I am always experimenting, and it is not about me. It is not about succeeding. It is not about making a masterpiece. It is about seeing what will happen and then keep tweaking the system and process and improving the outcome over time. I never run out of something to do!
We can’t really discover anything new or interesting if we approach things with a preconceived idea or a specific expectation of a certain result. Perceived failure is usually the result. If we cannot suspend judgement until much later after we see how things play out we will always be tense and uncertain and unable to work along freely.
It is a good thing to give ourselves the room to explore and experiment and try things out to see what happens without constant self judgement and self criticism. This will allow our deeper self to express itself freely and we will often find that we will discover things that we could have never dreamed up on our own or anticipated. The only possible failure in this sence is in not showing up, not meeting the moment and letting the time slip quietly past you into the unrecoverable oblivion.
Wise words. I live and create by a similar process. I have a belief that there is something that surrounds all of us that is analogous to a field of creative energy, call it what you will, the muse, the Sea of imagination, I believe that it is something that exist outside of ourselves and all of us can tap into it if you are persistent and open enough. When I work usually late in the Dark night, that space opens up for me. I have learned as you said that all that is necessary really, is to show up, and open yourself to it. Every night I create a masterpiece and every morning I look at it and see well, not quite there yet so that night I do another and another. Thanks for opening up this conversation. I enjoy your writing almost as much as I enjoy your collages, which were very influential.
Wonderful post Cecil! I’m gonna clip that and stick it on my studio wall!